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Champions of the First 100 (Part 3)
Alright, let’s finish this stuff up. I’ve got other things I want to do here. Atrocity Champions: The Least Bad Atrocities I get this question a lot. I go on and on about “teh worst thing evar!” but plenty of people want to know… which are the things that could have been redeemable, with just a little extra elbow-grease? The answers… may surprise you. Number 10: Come Back Lily Lightly I’m not kidding. This was the best of the G3 MLP shorts. It’s largest problem is that it’s got a really cliche message (you’re special) and nothing really happens. But unlike the other shorts the characters act like characters, and there’s somewhat of a plot. Also helping is that it’s not 40 minutes. If the rest of them were like this, G3 would be one of those “review only once” kind of thing. But no… most of them seem to be closer to Positively Pink instead of Come Back Lily Lightly. Number 9: Snow Day While this episode certainly was bad, I don’t think I remember anything sticking out as painfully horrible. It’s just kind of blah, and has a character being an asshole. Number 8: Johnny’s Royal Flush Johnny Test is kind of over-hated. It’s biggest crime besides being overplayed and overstaying its welcome was that it was just lazy and derivative. At the very least, the episode that I reviewed wasn’t particularly annoying, cruel, or disgusting. It was just bland and boring. The only thing that gave it the edge for me to review it was the alligator being chopped to bits. While Johnny Test may be over-hated, I still do not consider it a good show. It’s pretty bad, and pretty lazy. But I’ve seen worse and lazier. Number 7: Are You Happy Now? If it weren’t for the suicide jokes this would not be an atrocity. The only reason I reviewed this is because so many people were asking me to review it and treating it as the worst thing ever (this was before I kinda freaked out on the whole request thing). So far, Are You Happy Now is the least bad SpongeBob episode I’ve reviewed, with maybe the exception of Pat No Pay. Number 6: Shorty McShorts’ Shorts All of them are… roughly the same quality. The only one I wouldn’t consider putting here is Dodger Dare and the one about the Yeti. If I didn’t review them all as one, some of them I probably even wouldn’t have talked about like Dudley and Nestor do Nothing. Most of these are just bland and uninspired. Number 5: Mrs. Gorf Okay, if not being an accurate representation of the books was the only thing wrong with the series, this would be number 1 on this particular list. I’d still review it because they took a really creative series and made almost random changes that turned the show in blah. No, what really pushes the show into atrocity territory is Maurecia. Her “I only hurt you because I have a crush on you” isn’t funny in the slightest. It’s actually really uncomfortable, especially since I thought that trend had died out by the time Wayside came along. Number 4: Stand By Me I don’t even really remember why I reviewed this, beyond being so in pain from Ctrl + Alt + Del and looking for something… not as difficult to review. If I had my “I can’t review products of their era” rule around this time, I probably wouldn’t have reviewed this episode, because a lot of cartoons were doing this “reduce issues to their bare minimum” problem at the time. Also, since I’ve made this review, I’ve seen the Tales episode “Shop Talk” which is way worse, and I’ll get to at some point. Number 3: Doggy Poo I’ve said it before, the animation and score are amazing. It almost even sold me on the “movie about dog shit” premise. If it wasn’t so damned melodramatic, I probably wouldn’t have reviewed it as an atrocity. Number 2: Nobody Doesn’t Like TJ The only reason I reviewed this is its stupid, stupid message. In the original review I didn’t make this clear enough but Gordy is clearly shown to legitimately dislike TJ. Not just “not like,” but legitimately dislike for no apparent reason. While people do this in real life, I take issue with a show saying that it’s okay to do that “because you can’t please everyone.” The Weekenders did this plot better, but… it still kind of gives off the same message. Number 1: Ball of Revenge It’s a continuity episode that doesn’t care about continuity. Beyond that, the episode is fine. Atrocity Champions: Who I Despise the Most At the start I was saying that Elmyra was my least favorite character of all time. Then it was Peggy Hill. Then Buck Cluck, and blah blah blah. I think you’re all curious to who legitimately are my least favorite characters that I’ve come across in my first 100 reviews. We’ll also discount characters I’m supposed to hate. Number 10: Fanboy & Chum Chum Nothing about these characters have anything endearing about them whatsoever. Considering they live in a water tower, I think they’re supposed to be something like a homage to the animaniacs, but these guys are just some of the most annoying characters I’ve come across. Number 9: Mater In the first movie, and even in the Cars shorts, he wasn’t that bad. In Cars 2? Good god, is he annoying. What’s more annoying however is that the movie tries to justify his annoyance and it kind of shames you for being annoyed at him. Number 8: Elmyra Okay, I was originally going to put Ren here from Ren Seeks Help, but I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt and assume we were supposed to hate him in the episode. Elmyra on the other hand, we’re supposed to find endearing. Her shtick is abusing animals. You can’t make that likeable unless they get beaten down by the animals in the end. And Elmyra wins. She’s supposed to be the Tiny Toons equivalent of Elmer Fudd. Elmer doesn’t win all the time, so why the hell does Elmyra? Number 7: Cyborg/Beast Boy (Teen Titans Go) Let’s start off with the first problem: they are the same character. In every episode I’ve reviewed, they do exactly the same things and they’re continually on the same page. They shout at each other and create an echo-chamber of stupid and annoying ideas. They’re destructive and annoying. And unlike Freakazoid, they never actually do their job as superheroes. Number 6: Allen Gregory If Allen Gregory was a villain, he would be great. He’s kind of like Dolores Umbridge. They’re written so you’re supposed to hate them and want to see them get upstaged and defeated at the end. The only problem is that we’re supposed to root for him in the show Allen Gregory as he does unspeakably horrible things to good, innocent people. I considered putting Mr. Pickles here, but at least his horror is targeted towards evil people. Number 5: Patrick Star I made a list of Spongebob episodes where he was just awful, and I even had runners up. Within that list I thoroughly explained why I hate this turd. Number 4: Harry Scary The most annoying character in media history. Number 3: Peggy Hill If there are two traits that don’t mix, it’s arrogance and stupidity. It’s bad enough when one character is stupid and does stupid things. The problem is when they feel justified that they’re doing the right thing when they’re clearly not. And it’s even worse when so many episodes are there to protect the character’s fragile egos. Number 2: Buck Cluck Everything about this character is terrible. First of all, he puts his own acceptance to the town over his son’s health, and happiness. While I have seen this in many shows before, those aren’t the kind of character you’re supposed to root for. Buck only accepts his son when he’s popular, and as soon as his son loses that popularity, Buck steps aside and turns him back into a pariah. That moment alone after the aliens come into the movie, is a perfect descriptor of this kind of character. I get the message is “Your parent will love and accept you no matter what.” But this isn’t something that the parent should have to learn. Number 1: Brian Griffin Brian Griffin has nothing redeemable. He’s about as bad a parent as Buck fucking Cluck. He gives people herpes with literally no concern. I could do a Brian’s a… something, something list about this character. Actually… that’s not a bad idea. Atrocity Champions: The Anger Within I wanted to end this with a top 25 worst list, but I’ve got a better idea. It’s no secret that I’ve… gotten kind of angry within my reviews. I mean a lot of people get really angry when they review something online, it’s the whole “caustic critic” thing. It’s usually an act. The Nostalgia Critic and Angry Video Game Nerd for instance, aren’t angry people in real life. A lot of people ask me… how much of my anger is an act. And a lot of people claim that the anger seems too real to be acting. Let’s start with the obvious: no, I don’t go around shouting like an absolute hotheaded moron in reality. The best explanation I have is that it’s a symptom of Asperger’s syndrome. People with Asperger’s have a very difficult time conveying their emotions. I mean, even when happy I rarely smile. When angry, I don’t raise my voice, etc. Unless, I consciously do it. When I actually feel angry, I need to consciously say to myself “raise my voice” and blah blah blah. So, when I say “this show should make me feel as angry as possible” I “act” … as angry as possible, exactly as I’d “act” in real life. I mean there’s a myth that people with Asperger’s Syndrome are sociopaths for this reason. No… just because we don’t convey our emotions very well, doesn’t mean we don’t feel them. Conveying them just takes a lot of energy, and we can over-compensate. As I have… repeatedly. If I get “too angry” in a review, it’s not someone with anger issues getting carried away, it is me consciously shouting too much. Another problem that I have, that I don’t know if other people have, is that if I’m not angry I have the habit of sounding bored (even if I’m not). That being sad, certain episodes I’ve reviewed have made me very angry, beyond “this character is really annoying me.” Take my Peter-Assment review. That episode made me angry because of the issues that it conveyed. It’s not always “the worst thing I’ve ever reviewed” that makes me the angriest. So… let’s see what made me actually angry. Number 10: Boys vs. Girls Kids don’t need messages like this, even as a joke. I could definitely do a further thoughts on this one, although I’d like a bit of distance from my last “further thoughts” first. I’d really rather not seem one-note. Number 9: YouTube Copyright School The funny thing is that for the first 20 times I had to “watch” this copyright school, I answered the questions for the exam without watching the actual video. It’s misdirection and how it talks down to the audience is just insulting beyond measure. Number 8: Drawn Together: The Movie It’s hard not to get mad at a movie who dedicates its entire existence to proving that its existence is pointless. It tries to justify it being okay for a cartoon to not have a point by doing the worst possible things because it has no point. The logic is strong with this one. Number 7: Time Twister Just… what were you thinking? How could any of these choices been a good idea? Did you not hurt your own eyes animating this? Did the voice actors hurt their ears hearing this performance? Also… ouch, my eyes are in pain. Number 6: Tommy’s Big Job I am sick and tired of these adult cartoons trying too damned hard to shock. Number 5: Life of Brian Hey Family Guy, you know my dog died a few months back? I see what you’re doing. You’re taking me through all of the pain of that experience and trying to transplant it into a character who has since become irredeemable. Number 4: Pet Sitter Pat Why was I so angry in this particular review? It being a point-for-point rip off of one of the worst episodes on the show that spent all 11 minutes tormenting an innocent animal… just sparked a nerve. And no, explaining my anger doesn’t forgive or justify what I did in the original review. It was wrong. and that was a clear example of me not controlling my anger. Number 3: Chicken Little Those who have heard enough of my personal history would probably know why I got angry in this review. For now, I’ll just say “life experience.” Number 2: Screams of Silence - The Story of Brenda Q I knew everything about what I said in the follow-up video when I originally took on the episode. I knew how bad media tends to represent domestic abuse. And unlike how every family looks like Glenn Martin’s, or the Simpson’s on television, the tale spun by episodes and movies like Screams of Silence actually do damage in the real world. Not to mention how badly the episode even did what it was trying to do. Quagmire’s speech is up there with the cutting joke from Brian’s a Bad Father as some of the worst moments of the show. Number 1: Over Two Rainbows Over Two Rainbows is legitimately the angriest I’ve ever gotten when reviewing an episode. Shall we go over the list of anger sparks, ignoring the quality? Number one, it treats children as morons who will buy/watch/consume anything. The people who made this call themselves professionals. They probably went to school and everything. Flash was not a new technology in 2008-2009. I also know people who are working very hard to get to the position where the people who made this are. Like, I see the process that animators and artists struggle through to make something great and beautiful. And then here’s this piece of shit. It’s every aspect of an insult. They put this thing, and the other Newborn Cootie short (which I may get to) on a DVD. Some executives thought that parents would buy this stuff for their kids. It’s the sum of “it’s for kids, so it can be crap” and “it’s for girls, so it can be crap.” I’ve seen things made on the cheap. I’ve seen things made lazily. I’ve seen things made in a hurry. And none of those provide any justification for Over Two Rainbows. You, you in the audience can make something better than this. I don’t know who you are, or what your abilities are, but you can make something better than this. Let’s hope the next 100 Atrocities will be just as interesting. You don’t know how things will turn out. Only time will tell. Category:Miscellaneous